New York Women Leaders Association NY Chapter Meeting: The Untenable Weight of Self-Care
Misty Stiers of Citi Discusses ideas and strategies for managing your self care at the New York Women Leaders Association Chapter Meeting.
Transcript
well now we are going to move to our next presentation of the afternoon so Misty can you turn your camera on and say hello I sure can hello so good to see well thank you so much for being with us today so I'm going to ask you to go ahead and try to share your screen really quick
absolutely here we go did it work um it says hi Misty is that the first slide that's the slide all right take it away the floor is all yours thank you so much hi I'm Misty my pronoun are she her and I am so excited to be with all of you today especially to talk about this it's something that's so dear to my heart and as a little bit of an intro as to who exactly I am and how I spend my time I'm an author I've written a memoir and a cookbook recently that actually talks about um self-care and how to work it in with your new day but I'm not just an author I'm actually a lot of things I'm a creative director I'm head of inclusive design at city I'm a manager and advocate well you get the idea there's a lot of things that take up my time and take up my day things as important as being a mother and a wife and as small as being a birthday cake maker and a pitch I got a lot of things I am a lot of things and I have a feeling that you can probably relate to that that we all have our jobs and the way that we spend our days but we also have so many other things that we do Michaela mentioned transferable skills there's a million things we do that count as just that transferable skills I am a better person at my job because I have made too many birthday cakes late at night I know the frustration I know the time management I know that when I wake up I have to be careful about my clients sneaking Peaks before they really need to see what's there but I also have some thoughts about self-care how we take care of ourselves how we talk about that and how it really works in real life and you see I'm I'm not the only one thinking about this my guess is that you've probably put some thoughts to it some of you might be really good at it a lot of us are looking into it and the past five years alone Google Search terms for self-care have increased over a 100% searches for what is selfcare self-care activity self-care quotes have increased as much as 250% now some of this might be for presentations like mine but my guess is that if I take a step away from this talk I can tell you that I am regularly looking up what can I do how do I do it how does it fit
well it's not just about fitting it into my life the reason that we see it on billboards the reason that so many products talk to us about it the reason that there are so much conversation about it is because it's a business the rise of the selfcare movement has been driving a thriving new economy one that has brought in 13 billion dollars in 2021 and has only risen since you see people know that women like us have a lot on our plates and that sometimes we just want a chance to catch our breath but how do we do it in a way that feels purposeful that feels enjoyable that feels worthwhile it's no small
thing I have a lot of thoughts of this as I've said before and as I will continue to say and I'm wondering if maybe you think about the same things too like this idea that I feel like I'm constantly being told that I need to put the mask on myself before I can put the mask on anyone else self-care is so intrical I have to do it or I'm not going to be able to do anything else and well at the heart that's true to be honest if one more person says that to me I'm probably not going to have an appropriate reaction I've got enough going on and look I desperately want to be the person who is put together and calm I want to be the person with the meditative practice every morning in fact I want to be it so bad that I have no less than 12 meditation apps on my phone so many that they have their own little folder and I've colored it a special color so it stands out from the other folders so that when I get up in the morning and I check my phone that little folder speaks to me it's a dream I have it's something I try on a regular basis where I sit still I close my eyes before everyone in the rest of the house is awake I concentrate on my breath and I desperately try to ignore the strange unidentifiable smell that I can immediately do nothing but smell it doesn't takes over my thoughts it takes over my actions and I end up breaking this special moment I should have with myself to go search the kitchen to see where the strange unidentifiable smell is coming from but there are other ways we are inundated with all of the ways we can take care of ourselves now I want to make light of this I think it's important that we acknowledge that there are a million things that we can do and people are constantly telling us what those things are advertisements magazi magazine articles books just breathe relax do some yoga take up a new hobby there's always a new way for us to find to try to take care of ourselves and look it's important writing that gratitude Journal I get about two in and it starts to become a grocery list I have a hard time shutting off the many things that crowd my day self-care is well it's another thing on my list as much as I want to find that moment of peace and Clarity and Joy on a regular basis it just doesn't happen the way I want it to happen in fact my life is often the opposite of that moment of peace and joy not because I want it to be but because I simply have a couple things on my plate we all have more than a couple things on our plate and here's the thing oftentimes we treat self-care like just another thing on the list and who has time amidst all this chaos in our lives of our Rush of days where we're just desperately trying to figure out how we're going to get to work on time are the Subways running have we gotten groceries is there something I can eat for breakfast is there something the kids can eat for breakfast who's taking the kids to school who's setting those doctor's appointments also Wy hasn't dentist appointment at 4 can you make that because Samira has some school meetings that we're supposed to go to at 5: what is the transportation do we have dinner tonight are we having dinner tonight or the kids feeding themselves when is my doctor's appointment when is your doctor's appointment what is that meeting tomorrow my present presenting tomorrow what's next week do we need to have a team meeting to make sure we're prepared for next week does anyone know what's happening next week There's a lot happening and it's crowding our days and when you ask 33% of women will report that they don't have time to take care of themselves on a weekly basis one and three of us go a week without feeling like we have a chance to really take a moment to take care of ourselves we have a lot and I know that when I think about my Rush of days and I imagine all they contain and the frustration I have of never quite getting to that point on my list that I'm not alone in
it I'm not alone in trying to keep track of a million things at once of showing up my best self or at least as close as I can get to it in a million places because that's what we do as women as mothers as friends as managers As Leaders we show up time and time again when I read a burst of Light by audre Lord this quote hit me like a kick in the chest it made me stop and I read it more than once over and over again caring for myself is not self-indulgent it's self self-preservation and when I think about self-care and what it can mean to all of us I think that the important thing is to remember that it's not fair to treat it as yet another thing on the list mostly because when we don't get to it it's another thing that we can feel like we failed at so how in a world that is determined to either overwhelm with set expect ations or make us feel like we're failing when we can't get it right when we're not taking that yoga class every Wednesday night when we're not sitting down at night to write in our gratitude journals and cover the page with things that we're thankful for when we can't get up 15 minutes early just 15 minutes and sit and take a breath and concentrate on nothing at all but with a clear mind how do we get it at all how can we bear the weight of our own self-care
well first we have to change the narrative our narrative and I think that's important I want to bring you back to that slide about the thriving economy people are making money off of making us feel like we're not doing it right that somehow self-care looks a very specific way and that that's what we need to be
doing we got to claim our own story and embrace the chaos of it our lives are crazy and full and because of that beautiful we are accomplishing things every day small and large sometimes just getting home and having a minute to sit down and unpack our bag for the next day is a victory being able to claim our own story when it comes to self-care is so important because get this self-care is wait for it caring for yourself however and whatever that looks like in any way you determine as best and I think that's so important for us to acknowledge to leave behind the expectations to stop thinking of this is something that we have to add to our list or squeeze in between or find time for that's just this
we don't need to add to the rush of days for ourselves I think the key what I found is finding moments within instead of additional time outside of all that we do we've got this we have so got this we've got so much else that this should not be yet another way we feel like we can't just get to it we can find it we don't have to make time for it there's a lot of things small things we can do that might help things like putting your headphones on to listen to your favorite song or maybe and listen to me here put the headphones on and then don't listen to anything at all take full advantage of that no noise cancelling headphones and get some work done enjoy some peace and quiet take back just a little bit of time or a little bit of space drink that fancy coffee do something that makes you happy give yourself reason to celebrate get the Frappuccino with the whipped cream when she asks next time find the little Joys it might be a coffee you're drinking anyway it might as well be something that brings you a smile every once in a while I have Wednesdays celebratory coffee everyone that scks near me knows about it and I come in with the most obnoxious chocolate and whipped cream Frappuccino it makes me smile and so I do it and that smile well it's my own form of self-care now I know this one feels ridiculous because we all know that all of our meetings run at least 10 to 15 minutes late and it feels like it starts in the morning and then just snowballs throughout our day but let me tell you when you set a meeting and it ends 45 minutes minutes instead of 60 or it ends 25 instead of 30 It Feels So Victorious and then you get that just few moments to maybe take a breath maybe take a bio break maybe grab a snack maybe do nothing at all but put your favorite music on those headphones for a couple minutes it doesn't happen often but when it does it feels really good go for a walk Walking meetings are glorious ious and sometimes I have walking meetings with myself and they're even better chat up your neighbors I think sometimes we get so wrapped up in taking care of everyone else managing our teams managing our families making sure everyone has what they need and what they want and then we we end up having all these conversations with people throughout the day but they're all sort of wrapped in that wrapped in getting work done wrapped in getting things taken care of that we miss those small moments of human connection the comment about the weather the compliment to a stranger about her hair someone's great shoes taking a moment to chat up the person you sit next to every day staying up a little bit late to have a conversation with your roommate or your husband or your wife finding those moments you can not worry about what you're accomplishing through the conversation and just making a small human connection sometimes I can make all the difference take some time I beg of you once a week try to sneak in a lunch a lot of times we'll work straight through it or we'll just go ahead and eat at our desk and look I understand it I feel it I know it I did it today but taking 15 minutes to maybe turn your chair around find a quiet Corner go for for a walk read one of your favorite books it doesn't have to be a full hour but taking that five to 10 minutes in the middle of the day when everyone expects you to be eating perhaps to do something that you really enjoy might turn your whole day around so that idea of taking an everyday chore something we have to do anyway and reframing it sometimes something as simple as making dinner for your family making dinner for yourself and just taking a minute while you're doing it because it's something you have to do anyway we all have to eat while you make that peanut butter sandwich while you stir that pasta bowl just remembering that you're doing it because you want to provide yourself care that it's might be a mail of mac and cheese but it's time that you're spending to care for yourself to care for someone you care about and love just taking that second to be present and remind yourself why it's worth doing now I won't lie to you I don't have these moments while I'm scrubbing the bathroom floor but I try to find them in the midst of well I'm doing things I have to do anyway I try to remind myself that I'm organizing my Confluence page because it's going to make me feel so great when it's all straightened out I'm making that mac and cheese and I'm stirring it clockwise and thinking wonderful thoughts about my kids not because it's an incredibly nutritious meal but because they know that I've made it with love and it's going to fill their bellies and they're going to watch cartoons and it's going to be awesome and then a normal chore something that I might rush through gives me a few seconds to take a breath and appreciate exactly where I am and sometimes that's what self-care well that's what it looks like collect what makes you happy I like to try to take a picture out my my week and then at the end of the week I'll do a quick scan things that made me smile a flower that was outside my office a perfectly organized
desk crazy view out my window at work a really good hair day those shoes that that woman had on the subway that were fire the list can look however you want be it on paper or photos in your phone collect what makes you happy whatever makes you happy because that's the point of self-care the point of self-care is to provide you moments of happiness and to do it within the way we're already living well it makes it feel a little bit more
achievable here's the one that's really controversial but the one I believe in the most step away that's right in a world where we are told constantly to take action face things head on do more fight the power stand up speak
out lean in lean in so far that it feels like you might just fall over I respond with how dare you all of those things are necessary and all of those things are wonderful and empowering but so is rest and I will encourage you to do that whatever that looks like for you if it's a walk if it's just a quiet commute if it's your favorite book in the middle of the day if it's just a deep breath before you go to sleep at night or that when you flip the pillow and it's nice and cool and taking a moment to just appreciate that whatever ever it may be for you I encourage you to rest because I know that you're doing all of the other things so often you're protecting and fighting and advocating you're managing and clearing the way and caring for so much so often it's okay to make space for this too just a moment I'm not asking you to sit for 15 minutes and clear your mind but just acknowledge that to rest doesn't mean to sleep but just
to take that breath when you need it just for a moment some days it just works some days it might surprise you what a big difference that can make self care can look like a simply turning an everyday happening and a chance to be present into an opportunity to remember how amazing you are how much you have to give and more importantly how much you deserve because you deserve a lot and don't let anyone tell you otherwise don't let someone convince you that you have to add something to your list that you might not ever get to take care of yourself the way that's best for you and then take a moment to admit that often you can Inspire even yourself thank you so much everyone I really appreciate your time today well Misty thank you so much for that amazing presentation and for all your energy today so yes please keep those please keep those questions coming in through the chat um all right we've got a few questions let's start with all right this one came in early in your presentation from Ellen and she says is there one place to start exercise drink water dinner with a friend yeah like I think that I mean all of those are places to start what I would say as a um a Perpetual starter and not fellow threer with a lot of those things um that really for me it's it's about sort of looking at the things I already am doing and trying to be more intentional and present while I'm doing them I think a lot of times we're rushing through the things we have to get done and taking a moment while we're doing it to recognize why we're doing it and the benefit it is to us or the benefit it might be to someone we love um sort of helps reframe it and bring that moment of presence and intentionality to what we're doing and gives us the space to take that deep breath and be proud of ourselves or celebrate ourselves or just sort of not feel like we're losing time because we're doing so much great advice thank you I think we have time for maybe one or two more questions um I'll go with this one from Alexandra and she says how have you learned to politely set boundaries with those who do not respect your personal time um I am I am from the Midwest and I am painfully polite and I would say that a lot of times I'll respond with I would really love to but or this sounds like such a great insert opportunity thing that I would love to be involved in however and I've grown to be able to say more things like I just don't have time thank you so much for asking and I think that it's like a muscle right the like setting boundaries the more you do it the easier it gets and I think coming at it from a place of you know complimenting or like acknowledging what a great thing it sounds like and then saying but I just can't is a good place to start and that idea of also setting boundaries before you even begin of like oh hi I'm so excited to be a part of this I'm so you know I'm like this is going to be great I can't wait for us to work um just so you know like I even on my um on my email at work it says that my business hours might not be your business hours so you know don't you don't have to reply if I if I'm emailing you outside of those hours um which also sort of sets up the like if you email to me I might not reply outside of my business hours um or letting just people know like oh I you know this is great you know I am always out of the office you know I'm not available from like 7 pm on because I need to take care of my family if I can get to something I will like just letting think people know ahead of time like where your boundaries are if they're boundaries that are immovable right and then you can have conversations with them up front if like there's something that they might need that are that is not within that and you can either negotiate or you can hold still but um I do think that sometimes they like I'm going to respect your whatever that may be and I don't expect you to like you know respond to me outside of your working hours sort of opens the door to like this is the standard that I have for myself as well that's great advice well I think we'll let this be our final question and then we'll ask you for final thoughts before we move to our last presentation of the day and Lauren says I am not authentic at work how did you develop your confidence and authenticity oh man well I mean to be fair I'm like 35 years into my career so like it's been a lot of practice but what I will say is what I learned was that when I I got in my head about what everyone else's expectations were for me and I learned that maybe the the expectations in my head weren't the expectations people had around me and that the more authentic I was and the more open I was about who I was and and who I am the more opportunities opened up because people could see what I felt passionate about people could see um how I felt about things you know I work in a bank with purple hair um I'm blessed to be in the design you know area of our our bank but I've been welcomed in so many ways mostly because I sort of I start off that way right and sometimes the Journey of like figuring out I it's easier for me than I think a lot of other people because I'm not dealing with a lot of bias and I'm not I have a lot of privilege um but I would say like start with a small group of people if that feels safe and you know your own team and be as authentic as you feel comfortable and let yourself grow naturally on that Journey Don't pressure yourself it's like self-care right don't pressure yourself into like everything all at once like find what feels safe and what feels good to you and start going down that path little by little and you might be surprised that people might not even notice because they're so excited to get to like be with you who you are like when I started to dye my hair purple I worked at a financial firm and it started like just a piece here and like slowly I just added more because I wasn't sure how people would react and I remember showing up one day with it all purple and one of my managers was like has your hair always been like that I was like yeah it's great and like he had just not paid attention to something I had stressed about for probably a year um so like I would say like people people will give you more grace than you expect most of the time and to do what makes you feel safe and what makes you feel um proud and find those spaces and start as small as you need to um and build up that allyship and those Advocates around you that will support you um and do that and I think you'll you'll be surprised at how it might not take as long as you think it might take that's fantastic so as we wrap um any final words of wisdom for all of our viewers today um I think just remember how worthy you are like how amazing um what you do every day is like that I don't I don't know all of you I don't know everything you do and yet I do know that you've made time today to do this and you're learning and you're moving forward and I think that's the first step is like remembering that you're worthy of time and you're worthy of care and you're worthy of authen authenticity and you're worthy of people who will support you and that first person to do that for you is you and to not feel like you're failing because you don't think you're doing it right or you're not living up to someone else's expectations that it's all about what's right for you and what you want for yourself that's fantastic advice well thank you for your energy and for your wonderful presentation this afternoon thank you for so much for having me
absolutely here we go did it work um it says hi Misty is that the first slide that's the slide all right take it away the floor is all yours thank you so much hi I'm Misty my pronoun are she her and I am so excited to be with all of you today especially to talk about this it's something that's so dear to my heart and as a little bit of an intro as to who exactly I am and how I spend my time I'm an author I've written a memoir and a cookbook recently that actually talks about um self-care and how to work it in with your new day but I'm not just an author I'm actually a lot of things I'm a creative director I'm head of inclusive design at city I'm a manager and advocate well you get the idea there's a lot of things that take up my time and take up my day things as important as being a mother and a wife and as small as being a birthday cake maker and a pitch I got a lot of things I am a lot of things and I have a feeling that you can probably relate to that that we all have our jobs and the way that we spend our days but we also have so many other things that we do Michaela mentioned transferable skills there's a million things we do that count as just that transferable skills I am a better person at my job because I have made too many birthday cakes late at night I know the frustration I know the time management I know that when I wake up I have to be careful about my clients sneaking Peaks before they really need to see what's there but I also have some thoughts about self-care how we take care of ourselves how we talk about that and how it really works in real life and you see I'm I'm not the only one thinking about this my guess is that you've probably put some thoughts to it some of you might be really good at it a lot of us are looking into it and the past five years alone Google Search terms for self-care have increased over a 100% searches for what is selfcare self-care activity self-care quotes have increased as much as 250% now some of this might be for presentations like mine but my guess is that if I take a step away from this talk I can tell you that I am regularly looking up what can I do how do I do it how does it fit
well it's not just about fitting it into my life the reason that we see it on billboards the reason that so many products talk to us about it the reason that there are so much conversation about it is because it's a business the rise of the selfcare movement has been driving a thriving new economy one that has brought in 13 billion dollars in 2021 and has only risen since you see people know that women like us have a lot on our plates and that sometimes we just want a chance to catch our breath but how do we do it in a way that feels purposeful that feels enjoyable that feels worthwhile it's no small
thing I have a lot of thoughts of this as I've said before and as I will continue to say and I'm wondering if maybe you think about the same things too like this idea that I feel like I'm constantly being told that I need to put the mask on myself before I can put the mask on anyone else self-care is so intrical I have to do it or I'm not going to be able to do anything else and well at the heart that's true to be honest if one more person says that to me I'm probably not going to have an appropriate reaction I've got enough going on and look I desperately want to be the person who is put together and calm I want to be the person with the meditative practice every morning in fact I want to be it so bad that I have no less than 12 meditation apps on my phone so many that they have their own little folder and I've colored it a special color so it stands out from the other folders so that when I get up in the morning and I check my phone that little folder speaks to me it's a dream I have it's something I try on a regular basis where I sit still I close my eyes before everyone in the rest of the house is awake I concentrate on my breath and I desperately try to ignore the strange unidentifiable smell that I can immediately do nothing but smell it doesn't takes over my thoughts it takes over my actions and I end up breaking this special moment I should have with myself to go search the kitchen to see where the strange unidentifiable smell is coming from but there are other ways we are inundated with all of the ways we can take care of ourselves now I want to make light of this I think it's important that we acknowledge that there are a million things that we can do and people are constantly telling us what those things are advertisements magazi magazine articles books just breathe relax do some yoga take up a new hobby there's always a new way for us to find to try to take care of ourselves and look it's important writing that gratitude Journal I get about two in and it starts to become a grocery list I have a hard time shutting off the many things that crowd my day self-care is well it's another thing on my list as much as I want to find that moment of peace and Clarity and Joy on a regular basis it just doesn't happen the way I want it to happen in fact my life is often the opposite of that moment of peace and joy not because I want it to be but because I simply have a couple things on my plate we all have more than a couple things on our plate and here's the thing oftentimes we treat self-care like just another thing on the list and who has time amidst all this chaos in our lives of our Rush of days where we're just desperately trying to figure out how we're going to get to work on time are the Subways running have we gotten groceries is there something I can eat for breakfast is there something the kids can eat for breakfast who's taking the kids to school who's setting those doctor's appointments also Wy hasn't dentist appointment at 4 can you make that because Samira has some school meetings that we're supposed to go to at 5: what is the transportation do we have dinner tonight are we having dinner tonight or the kids feeding themselves when is my doctor's appointment when is your doctor's appointment what is that meeting tomorrow my present presenting tomorrow what's next week do we need to have a team meeting to make sure we're prepared for next week does anyone know what's happening next week There's a lot happening and it's crowding our days and when you ask 33% of women will report that they don't have time to take care of themselves on a weekly basis one and three of us go a week without feeling like we have a chance to really take a moment to take care of ourselves we have a lot and I know that when I think about my Rush of days and I imagine all they contain and the frustration I have of never quite getting to that point on my list that I'm not alone in
it I'm not alone in trying to keep track of a million things at once of showing up my best self or at least as close as I can get to it in a million places because that's what we do as women as mothers as friends as managers As Leaders we show up time and time again when I read a burst of Light by audre Lord this quote hit me like a kick in the chest it made me stop and I read it more than once over and over again caring for myself is not self-indulgent it's self self-preservation and when I think about self-care and what it can mean to all of us I think that the important thing is to remember that it's not fair to treat it as yet another thing on the list mostly because when we don't get to it it's another thing that we can feel like we failed at so how in a world that is determined to either overwhelm with set expect ations or make us feel like we're failing when we can't get it right when we're not taking that yoga class every Wednesday night when we're not sitting down at night to write in our gratitude journals and cover the page with things that we're thankful for when we can't get up 15 minutes early just 15 minutes and sit and take a breath and concentrate on nothing at all but with a clear mind how do we get it at all how can we bear the weight of our own self-care
well first we have to change the narrative our narrative and I think that's important I want to bring you back to that slide about the thriving economy people are making money off of making us feel like we're not doing it right that somehow self-care looks a very specific way and that that's what we need to be
doing we got to claim our own story and embrace the chaos of it our lives are crazy and full and because of that beautiful we are accomplishing things every day small and large sometimes just getting home and having a minute to sit down and unpack our bag for the next day is a victory being able to claim our own story when it comes to self-care is so important because get this self-care is wait for it caring for yourself however and whatever that looks like in any way you determine as best and I think that's so important for us to acknowledge to leave behind the expectations to stop thinking of this is something that we have to add to our list or squeeze in between or find time for that's just this
we don't need to add to the rush of days for ourselves I think the key what I found is finding moments within instead of additional time outside of all that we do we've got this we have so got this we've got so much else that this should not be yet another way we feel like we can't just get to it we can find it we don't have to make time for it there's a lot of things small things we can do that might help things like putting your headphones on to listen to your favorite song or maybe and listen to me here put the headphones on and then don't listen to anything at all take full advantage of that no noise cancelling headphones and get some work done enjoy some peace and quiet take back just a little bit of time or a little bit of space drink that fancy coffee do something that makes you happy give yourself reason to celebrate get the Frappuccino with the whipped cream when she asks next time find the little Joys it might be a coffee you're drinking anyway it might as well be something that brings you a smile every once in a while I have Wednesdays celebratory coffee everyone that scks near me knows about it and I come in with the most obnoxious chocolate and whipped cream Frappuccino it makes me smile and so I do it and that smile well it's my own form of self-care now I know this one feels ridiculous because we all know that all of our meetings run at least 10 to 15 minutes late and it feels like it starts in the morning and then just snowballs throughout our day but let me tell you when you set a meeting and it ends 45 minutes minutes instead of 60 or it ends 25 instead of 30 It Feels So Victorious and then you get that just few moments to maybe take a breath maybe take a bio break maybe grab a snack maybe do nothing at all but put your favorite music on those headphones for a couple minutes it doesn't happen often but when it does it feels really good go for a walk Walking meetings are glorious ious and sometimes I have walking meetings with myself and they're even better chat up your neighbors I think sometimes we get so wrapped up in taking care of everyone else managing our teams managing our families making sure everyone has what they need and what they want and then we we end up having all these conversations with people throughout the day but they're all sort of wrapped in that wrapped in getting work done wrapped in getting things taken care of that we miss those small moments of human connection the comment about the weather the compliment to a stranger about her hair someone's great shoes taking a moment to chat up the person you sit next to every day staying up a little bit late to have a conversation with your roommate or your husband or your wife finding those moments you can not worry about what you're accomplishing through the conversation and just making a small human connection sometimes I can make all the difference take some time I beg of you once a week try to sneak in a lunch a lot of times we'll work straight through it or we'll just go ahead and eat at our desk and look I understand it I feel it I know it I did it today but taking 15 minutes to maybe turn your chair around find a quiet Corner go for for a walk read one of your favorite books it doesn't have to be a full hour but taking that five to 10 minutes in the middle of the day when everyone expects you to be eating perhaps to do something that you really enjoy might turn your whole day around so that idea of taking an everyday chore something we have to do anyway and reframing it sometimes something as simple as making dinner for your family making dinner for yourself and just taking a minute while you're doing it because it's something you have to do anyway we all have to eat while you make that peanut butter sandwich while you stir that pasta bowl just remembering that you're doing it because you want to provide yourself care that it's might be a mail of mac and cheese but it's time that you're spending to care for yourself to care for someone you care about and love just taking that second to be present and remind yourself why it's worth doing now I won't lie to you I don't have these moments while I'm scrubbing the bathroom floor but I try to find them in the midst of well I'm doing things I have to do anyway I try to remind myself that I'm organizing my Confluence page because it's going to make me feel so great when it's all straightened out I'm making that mac and cheese and I'm stirring it clockwise and thinking wonderful thoughts about my kids not because it's an incredibly nutritious meal but because they know that I've made it with love and it's going to fill their bellies and they're going to watch cartoons and it's going to be awesome and then a normal chore something that I might rush through gives me a few seconds to take a breath and appreciate exactly where I am and sometimes that's what self-care well that's what it looks like collect what makes you happy I like to try to take a picture out my my week and then at the end of the week I'll do a quick scan things that made me smile a flower that was outside my office a perfectly organized
desk crazy view out my window at work a really good hair day those shoes that that woman had on the subway that were fire the list can look however you want be it on paper or photos in your phone collect what makes you happy whatever makes you happy because that's the point of self-care the point of self-care is to provide you moments of happiness and to do it within the way we're already living well it makes it feel a little bit more
achievable here's the one that's really controversial but the one I believe in the most step away that's right in a world where we are told constantly to take action face things head on do more fight the power stand up speak
out lean in lean in so far that it feels like you might just fall over I respond with how dare you all of those things are necessary and all of those things are wonderful and empowering but so is rest and I will encourage you to do that whatever that looks like for you if it's a walk if it's just a quiet commute if it's your favorite book in the middle of the day if it's just a deep breath before you go to sleep at night or that when you flip the pillow and it's nice and cool and taking a moment to just appreciate that whatever ever it may be for you I encourage you to rest because I know that you're doing all of the other things so often you're protecting and fighting and advocating you're managing and clearing the way and caring for so much so often it's okay to make space for this too just a moment I'm not asking you to sit for 15 minutes and clear your mind but just acknowledge that to rest doesn't mean to sleep but just
to take that breath when you need it just for a moment some days it just works some days it might surprise you what a big difference that can make self care can look like a simply turning an everyday happening and a chance to be present into an opportunity to remember how amazing you are how much you have to give and more importantly how much you deserve because you deserve a lot and don't let anyone tell you otherwise don't let someone convince you that you have to add something to your list that you might not ever get to take care of yourself the way that's best for you and then take a moment to admit that often you can Inspire even yourself thank you so much everyone I really appreciate your time today well Misty thank you so much for that amazing presentation and for all your energy today so yes please keep those please keep those questions coming in through the chat um all right we've got a few questions let's start with all right this one came in early in your presentation from Ellen and she says is there one place to start exercise drink water dinner with a friend yeah like I think that I mean all of those are places to start what I would say as a um a Perpetual starter and not fellow threer with a lot of those things um that really for me it's it's about sort of looking at the things I already am doing and trying to be more intentional and present while I'm doing them I think a lot of times we're rushing through the things we have to get done and taking a moment while we're doing it to recognize why we're doing it and the benefit it is to us or the benefit it might be to someone we love um sort of helps reframe it and bring that moment of presence and intentionality to what we're doing and gives us the space to take that deep breath and be proud of ourselves or celebrate ourselves or just sort of not feel like we're losing time because we're doing so much great advice thank you I think we have time for maybe one or two more questions um I'll go with this one from Alexandra and she says how have you learned to politely set boundaries with those who do not respect your personal time um I am I am from the Midwest and I am painfully polite and I would say that a lot of times I'll respond with I would really love to but or this sounds like such a great insert opportunity thing that I would love to be involved in however and I've grown to be able to say more things like I just don't have time thank you so much for asking and I think that it's like a muscle right the like setting boundaries the more you do it the easier it gets and I think coming at it from a place of you know complimenting or like acknowledging what a great thing it sounds like and then saying but I just can't is a good place to start and that idea of also setting boundaries before you even begin of like oh hi I'm so excited to be a part of this I'm so you know I'm like this is going to be great I can't wait for us to work um just so you know like I even on my um on my email at work it says that my business hours might not be your business hours so you know don't you don't have to reply if I if I'm emailing you outside of those hours um which also sort of sets up the like if you email to me I might not reply outside of my business hours um or letting just people know like oh I you know this is great you know I am always out of the office you know I'm not available from like 7 pm on because I need to take care of my family if I can get to something I will like just letting think people know ahead of time like where your boundaries are if they're boundaries that are immovable right and then you can have conversations with them up front if like there's something that they might need that are that is not within that and you can either negotiate or you can hold still but um I do think that sometimes they like I'm going to respect your whatever that may be and I don't expect you to like you know respond to me outside of your working hours sort of opens the door to like this is the standard that I have for myself as well that's great advice well I think we'll let this be our final question and then we'll ask you for final thoughts before we move to our last presentation of the day and Lauren says I am not authentic at work how did you develop your confidence and authenticity oh man well I mean to be fair I'm like 35 years into my career so like it's been a lot of practice but what I will say is what I learned was that when I I got in my head about what everyone else's expectations were for me and I learned that maybe the the expectations in my head weren't the expectations people had around me and that the more authentic I was and the more open I was about who I was and and who I am the more opportunities opened up because people could see what I felt passionate about people could see um how I felt about things you know I work in a bank with purple hair um I'm blessed to be in the design you know area of our our bank but I've been welcomed in so many ways mostly because I sort of I start off that way right and sometimes the Journey of like figuring out I it's easier for me than I think a lot of other people because I'm not dealing with a lot of bias and I'm not I have a lot of privilege um but I would say like start with a small group of people if that feels safe and you know your own team and be as authentic as you feel comfortable and let yourself grow naturally on that Journey Don't pressure yourself it's like self-care right don't pressure yourself into like everything all at once like find what feels safe and what feels good to you and start going down that path little by little and you might be surprised that people might not even notice because they're so excited to get to like be with you who you are like when I started to dye my hair purple I worked at a financial firm and it started like just a piece here and like slowly I just added more because I wasn't sure how people would react and I remember showing up one day with it all purple and one of my managers was like has your hair always been like that I was like yeah it's great and like he had just not paid attention to something I had stressed about for probably a year um so like I would say like people people will give you more grace than you expect most of the time and to do what makes you feel safe and what makes you feel um proud and find those spaces and start as small as you need to um and build up that allyship and those Advocates around you that will support you um and do that and I think you'll you'll be surprised at how it might not take as long as you think it might take that's fantastic so as we wrap um any final words of wisdom for all of our viewers today um I think just remember how worthy you are like how amazing um what you do every day is like that I don't I don't know all of you I don't know everything you do and yet I do know that you've made time today to do this and you're learning and you're moving forward and I think that's the first step is like remembering that you're worthy of time and you're worthy of care and you're worthy of authen authenticity and you're worthy of people who will support you and that first person to do that for you is you and to not feel like you're failing because you don't think you're doing it right or you're not living up to someone else's expectations that it's all about what's right for you and what you want for yourself that's fantastic advice well thank you for your energy and for your wonderful presentation this afternoon thank you for so much for having me